GSS

Last night was just what I needed. For the last three years, I have been a committed member of my service organization, ADIEHARD if you will. I was constantly heralded as the Ride and Die chick in the click... it was in my nature.

In my opinion, if you're gonna be about something, you need to be about something, right? Well, I believed in community service and I believed that one could grow exponentially through their work with the community. I still do honestly, but I came to the realization that I have grown as much as I can here. At this moment. Strange for me, I always had such grand ideas for the chapter, but I'm done.

There is a time when things stop growing and start deteriorating. Being a member of the 'old school' officially, I've noticed a general decay in the amount of respect and sisterly relations. The strive to be the best at what we do is completely missing, and the only thing people seemed to be inspired by is numbers, cash and members. It's not what I'm about and it hit me that this depressed and stressed feeling that has plagued me for months now, is in some way related to this chapter.

Most do not understand my extreme loyalty to a group of familiar strangers and my obsession with mission statements and purposes, but it stems from my background in the church. I take words and letters and statements to heart. So when I made the decision to join, I made a life decision. I am like this in all areas. Sometimes overwhelmingly so. One of the reasons I respect Ray so much is because of his similar mentality towards such things. He's a man of his word, honestly. It's beautiful.

So yeah, after a dangerously uninspiring first meeting in which the general group arrived late, casually dressed, and commenced to texting throughout the entire time, I came to the conclusion that it was definitely time to go. I can't be the only who wants us to be a success, things don't work that way. And I can't waist anymore of my inner peace trying to keep us afloat.

I was suppose to be President this year, but I have no desire any longer to lead a group of half hearted and young minded individuals who have yet to show up prepared to work. My org was there before me and it will be there after.

So last night's neo soul was much more about letting go and being honest for me. Enjoying the scene, partaking in the atmosphere and breathing. Experiencing the moment versus rushing through it to get to the next one. It was fun and just what I needed.