Old Soul

On October 31, 2008, I will be 23. Now this is no major feat for me. In fact, it seems almost a quickly passing thought as I have already watched the important ages of 'adulthood', 18 and 20, and come and go. But for the third time in two days, someone has remarked on how young I am. It comes as a major surprise that I will only be 23. My supposed age has ranged from 28-30-beyond. Interesting. Very interesting. Yes, I've always concerned myself at a certain level of maturity, but certainly not 'old'. Don't be mistaken, I am excited about the prospect of being 30 and so on. I've always been intriguied with mature women and look forward to wearing my mid life proudly. It's just funny, that no matter the amount of time spent on trying to laugh, dressing appropiately for my age, and overall foolishness I get into, I am still too old.

The last of the "wow" remarks was made this morning during my audition. After stumbling and rushing through my poem about domestic abuse, the director sat me down to tell me there was no part for me in the play. Then went on to explain that the only character he was considering me for was the grandmother. LOL. The mother/grandmother role has always been mine... in almost every production I've ever done. I went on to tell him about my upcoming birthday and he stared a minute. " Well, I would like to have you come back and read the grandmother's part then. Unless of course any more mature actors come in. You seem to be a modern, mature 2008 woman. How do see yourself?" Of course I made one last desperate grasp at the young role of a sex kitten bar keeper, and he politely said I could read for that part as well. "Obviously, I don't know your range, but we could certainly try it." It was amusing.

I wonder how people honestly see me. When I look in the mirror, I see a young, beautiful woman who is still fresh and green and learning about all that surronds her. When others look at me, I can never match up the things they say they see, with what I know.

I know I'm not insecure as most, but I am insecure nonetheless. I am not conservative, by any means. Still learning my street smarts and just now becoming accustomed to my odd sense of self. But considering the recent comments... no wonder men my age tended to seem uncomfortable under my gaze or hesitant to approach me. They thought I was older.

When I first met Ray, what stuck out from the very beginning was his amazing ability to look me right in the eye and make me blush. His willingness to take the lead and make the first move. No one had ever thrown me off my power play before. I have yet to meet a young man his age who likes to dance in the middle of the str