So these last few months have been interesting. I have had sooo many great things happen. But one thing seems to trump a good portion of that. The loss of my love.

blurb about nothing

Hola internet world... nice to have the time to breathe again, if only for a second. I'm resting at my friends place right now. Breathing as it is. It's actually quite nice to take a break for a moment. From school, from slam, from my life. Get my priorities straight as I try to figure out how I'm going to keep my vehicle, get together my grad applications and do this tour. I think what's going to be essential to these next few weeks is putting the focus in the right places. School being of the most importance, and everything else just kinda along for the ride. If I remember these things, I should do pretty well I think.

Been writing like crazy... for class, or for possible submission into a numnber of magazines.... whichever. Currently reading Beloved, and I am loving it. I know, I know, I should probably have already read that by now... but I'm a late bloomer.


Freewrite 8,949

Falling in love again with the sounds of the stereo
the horns dancing in the background as I tap
tap tap to epiphany
"I can end the planet in a holocaust"
It's eerily familiar and frightening and invigorating.
the idea that me, just me, little ol me could change the world
with an idea
it's strange and it makes me hungry

Grad School

It's starting to scare me.

Old Soul

On October 31, 2008, I will be 23. Now this is no major feat for me. In fact, it seems almost a quickly passing thought as I have already watched the important ages of 'adulthood', 18 and 20, and come and go. But for the third time in two days, someone has remarked on how young I am. It comes as a major surprise that I will only be 23. My supposed age has ranged from 28-30-beyond. Interesting. Very interesting. Yes, I've always concerned myself at a certain level of maturity, but certainly not 'old'. Don't be mistaken, I am excited about the prospect of being 30 and so on. I've always been intriguied with mature women and look forward to wearing my mid life proudly. It's just funny, that no matter the amount of time spent on trying to laugh, dressing appropiately for my age, and overall foolishness I get into, I am still too old.

The last of the "wow" remarks was made this morning during my audition. After stumbling and rushing through my poem about domestic abuse, the director sat me down to tell me there was no part for me in the play. Then went on to explain that the only character he was considering me for was the grandmother. LOL. The mother/grandmother role has always been mine... in almost every production I've ever done. I went on to tell him about my upcoming birthday and he stared a minute. " Well, I would like to have you come back and read the grandmother's part then. Unless of course any more mature actors come in. You seem to be a modern, mature 2008 woman. How do see yourself?" Of course I made one last desperate grasp at the young role of a sex kitten bar keeper, and he politely said I could read for that part as well. "Obviously, I don't know your range, but we could certainly try it." It was amusing.

I wonder how people honestly see me. When I look in the mirror, I see a young, beautiful woman who is still fresh and green and learning about all that surronds her. When others look at me, I can never match up the things they say they see, with what I know.

I know I'm not insecure as most, but I am insecure nonetheless. I am not conservative, by any means. Still learning my street smarts and just now becoming accustomed to my odd sense of self. But considering the recent comments... no wonder men my age tended to seem uncomfortable under my gaze or hesitant to approach me. They thought I was older.

When I first met Ray, what stuck out from the very beginning was his amazing ability to look me right in the eye and make me blush. His willingness to take the lead and make the first move. No one had ever thrown me off my power play before. I have yet to meet a young man his age who likes to dance in the middle of the str

Grindin...

• Thankful for the last few days and how beautiful they have been.


• Thankful for the spur of creativity and inspiration


• Thankful for getting a chance to meet Gnarls Barkley and get some knowledge off em.


• Thankful for the people who support me and believe in me.


• Thankful for a chance to meet more family and be there for my dad and Aunt Mary's family at the funeral. She was a woman who lived a full and lovely life, and I can only hope to be like her.


• Thankful for the Internet dammit! I don't know what I would do without it!


• Thankful for dad and all he has done to make sure me and my sis's have the best education.


• Thankful for my mother and all she has done to make sure we keep in touch and develop family love.


• Thankful for my friends, who have been incredible soundboards and even better reflectors.


• Thankful for my future success, because I do believe that there will be success!

Just been working on getting this tour off the ground. School work, which incredibly, I am still doing well in! I am making it to classes and in a good enough mood to pay attention during class and when I am studying.

Don't ask me to explain it, I barely understand myself, but working a 'job' and going to school just doesn't work for me. I become to involved and worry about my job more than my job. My life becomes centered around what free time I will have after work. I hate that. I'm doing everything my powers not to be that.

Just stickin the pen to the paper and lettin' loose!

This moment is loose on the page.

Caught in the off beats of song.

Climaxing, again and again, over the sensuous undertones.

Politically speaking, this is mutiny.

Self Control is key, and she

poem/moment

whatever she be

is Righteously Rebellious.

The Experience Tour 2008

So, my Great Aunt passed this week. I am just getting back to Ray's after spending the afternoon, crying, laughing, dancing, making love, meeting family, and spittin' some poetry. It is a wonderous feeling, this completeness that surronds me. I have been wary for awhile, ignoring the gut and going for the safe and small. Well now, I'm tired of waiting. I met Gnarls Barkeley yesterday during a program with the Grammy Academy, and what they said and what my cousin from Virginia said are echoing loudly in my mind.

Gnarls Barkeley: "Work for yourself. Nobody's going to give you a free hand out, and most of the time, they will only support you if they know you're going to do this on your own, one way or another. Be unique and be persistent!"

Marian: "Stop ignoring that voice and do it! You've got something to offer and we're proud of you!"

I'm ready, big ol' universe, for something fantastic to occur in my life!
I'm ready for success!
I'm ready to listen and grow and change and become all that it is I was meant to become!

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The Experience Tour 2008 featuring Spoken Word Artists Michelle Desiree, Faylita Hicks, Stacie Shea, and Selah Vie, will be kicking off December of 2008!
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It is my personal opinion that this is the perfect moment to do something different. Such as listen to my gut and walk the path so perfectly laid before me. This is my passion. This is my calling. To spit is not just a gourging of emotions, it is a way in which to bring a community together and tell the stories that inspire us to continue from day to day. This is God speaking through me and to me and about me. Excuses are over rated and faith unconfided in.

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A Poet's Tribe Productions will be celebrating the New Year with a Premiere Production! Expect to get the experience of a lifetime!
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These are my dreams here, in my hands. The lines faded and knuckles cracked and bleeding.
These are my stories and my hopes and my desires, leaking like rivers into canyons crossed. These are my wings, muscles tightened and pumping and ready to stretch and dip and dive into something incredible.
These are mine. This here, this moment, is mine.

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The most incredible gifts you can give a lost soul, is an ear and a pen and a pad. Give them the choice to speak on it. -Workshops on Writing, Stage Presence, Inspiration now available.
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Did I say I was hittin' the dusty trail? Pickin up my sense of self and letting her take the wheel? Did I mention I was just on MLK, soaking up the highbeams of some SUV, when it occured to me... the light was green. How long had I been waiting for that?

Musings

The secret to life is... keep breathing. I think.

This has been a lovely weekend of writing and reflection and observation. I've got some great beginnings for new poems, some great edits and feedback and look forward to having them all nicely cut up and prepared for their debuts.

I'm reading this incredibly inspiring book by Jane Hirschfield for my poetry class, and it's definitely help me to keep an open mind. I find myself more and more preferring my own company or that of a book. Gives me enough time to really jump into concentration and discover exactly what poems and thoughts and images and statements are laying wait in my fingers.

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My voice is currently very gone, due to Friday Night Lights and being sick and all of that fun jazz... Have to spend the week recuperating and working on ways to make it till pay day.

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Wondering what I should do for 1) my 23rd birthday on Halloween... needs to be awesome!
2) Election Day- I want to be somewhere, with some peeps, digesting numbers on CNN and sipping something
3) The Heroes Premiere: yes, I am an avid Heroes fan, and I freakin love comics... I love nerds... really.
4) For dinner tonight. I'm like really hungry. Have literally sat here since 11 am, writing and editing all of poetry and now it's like 7pm. Right, so I'm gonna go get a life, a snack, and do some homework.

Peace and Nuts and Berries!!!!!